I have to find my private places, where I can find my strength, where I can sit quietly with myself and search for answers, where I can try to make healthy choices and do productive work. I have not had the kind of private place in a long, long time, and the lack of it has wrecked me. It might even be too late to turn around and discover it now. I don't know. I've lost myself along the way and now need to find myself again, if there's anything left to find, anything worth finding. Hard to say.
My anxiety is cold hard knot in my stomach. So many things to do, so little time to do them. Time ticking obscenely, second by second, as my life drifts away and everything falls to ruin. That's how I feel right now. Wrecked and ruined. Lost. Adrift. Rudderless. There must be a way to fight through this darkness into something better.
I have to try to find a way. Away.
